long overdue update

November already?!?  Oh my!!  Guess my update is way overdue!!  The biggest news is we added Mikayla to our family on Labor Day - which was also our anniversary.  My labor and delivery were very short and easy.  My doctor even said "you make that look way too easy."  I literally pushed one time and she was out!  She is a wonderful addition to our family!  She is so sweet, and everyone loves her!  She's a momma's girl right now.  We'll see if it stays that way.  She's not sleeping through the night, but I'm hoping it happens soon.  Chris and I could use the rest. 

Church situation is the same.  We are still waiting on God to show us our next step.  It is so hard to wait, but what else can we do?  We don't want to move until He tells us too.

Personal life is not as I would like.  It's too personal to get into on a blog, but let's just say I'm dealing with stuff I never thought I'd have to deal with.  And at times I feel totally alone.  I think that's the hardest part.  At other times in my life I've always been able to count on my friends.  But this is one of those things that I'm dealing with alone.  A couple of people know the highlights, but no one fully knows.  I just can't bring myself to trust anyone enough to share.  So for now I just cry out to God and take comfort knowing that He knows what's going on, and He is right with me.

So those are the highlights for now.  I'll try to do better with my updates.

Where did summer go?

I can't believe the kids start school next week!!  At the first of the summer that seemed so far away.  And when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't think September would ever get here.  And now it's too close!  I'm feeling very unprepared, and my babies tend to come early.  So I really need to get on the ball!  I'm almost 35 weeks and 2 of mine came at 37.  WOW!!  It's even scarier seeing it in print like that!  

Ok, so here's the update - kids are almost ready for school.  We have a few more supplies to pick up, but nothing major.  They still need backpacks, but they are very picky when it comes to those.  Guess that's why we still don't have them.  We will get those this weekend.  

Madi is already saying "I go to kool".  And I keep telling her she gets to stay home with mommy.  But she doesn't seem convinced that that's better than "kool".  But I know that once she is getting one-on-one time with me, she'll love it.  Just hope she doesn't mind sharing once baby sister gets here.

Baby M still doesn't have a name.  Christopher and I just can't agree.  But that's ok.  We usually don't.  Once we have the baby in our arms, the name just becomes obvious to both of us.  It drives the hospital staff crazy b/c they want a name right away.  I've even had them come in and say "you know you can't leave the hospital till the baby has a name, right?"  One lady even had the nerve to tell me she left at 5:00, and she needed a name before that.  UM, hello!!  I'm naming my kid here!  Something they will have the rest of their life.  I don't really care what time you get off work.  But that's beside the point.  Point is - no name yet, but that's normal for us. :)

I keep getting that "is this the last one?" question.  And my response - we just don't know.  When I was horribly sick with morning sickness, I was ready to send Christopher to get things "taken care of".  But going through my baby boy stuff makes me wish for another boy.  And I'm still not convinced it's a decision God wants us to make ourself.  I think He wants to determine our family size.  I know most people find that crazy, but that's just what my "spiritual gut" says.

We are still at the same church.  Christopher and I are both feeling like it's time to move on.  On paper it makes no sense for us to do that.  We would lose that income at a time when we can't afford to lose any income.  But when God tells you to do something, you do it.  He doesn't always make sense on paper.  That's why He's God.  

Other than that, life is pretty normal around here.  Potty training Madi.  Please don't ask how it's going. ;)  Just doing our daily stuff getting ready to get back to the school routine.  Hope everyone is well!  HUGS to all!! 

ever feel stuck? (sorry, it's a long one)

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in your life?  Because that's the best way I can think of to describe how I feel right now.  I feel like I am in this place that I don't want to be, but I have no power to change it.  Take, for instance, our church - we are there b/c my husband is the youth pastor.  If he wasn't on staff there, we would not be at this church.  For one thing, the only kids there are mine.  I want my kids to get a full experience from church, and they aren't getting much right now.  If we had a bigger children's program, it would help.  But here's the stuck part - I don't want to be here!  I want to be at a church with a women's program, other adults my age, kids for my kids, worshipful service time.  But I am here until God calls us elsewhere.  And don't think I haven't been asking Him!  I ask Him all the time to move us to another church.  But for whatever reason, we are stuck here.  And I know what you may be thinking - "bloom where you're planted".  And I'm trying.  I lead the women's ministry here b/c I want there to be one.  I invite people to church all the time!  I am trying to do my part to help the church grow.  But I am also tired.  I am ready to be ministered to.  I need a break!   I can't grow the church by myself, and I feel like that's what I'm doing.  

There are other areas I feel stuck in.  One is very personal.  I can't go into detail.  I just never thought I would be at this place in my life - EVER.  And I'm here.  And I'm shocked.  And I can't change it - no matter how hard I try.  It's not up to me.  I've shared my feelings, given my side.  But the outcome is out of my hands.  I'm stuck here.  

I still feel stuck when it comes to friendships as well.  I can't seem to find a "best friend".  I know that sounds whiny and lame, but it's true.  I feel so alone sometimes and there is no one I can talk to.  I see people around me with that one special friend - the one that knows them inside and out, always there for them, ready to hang out or go out or whatever.  And I miss that!  I had it before, but not anymore. We eventually grew apart b/c we were at different places in our lives.  And now I feel like I have no one.  I have lots of friends.  But no one that I would say really knows me.  And no one that I feel like I can truly show myself to.  I am so afraid of rejection or judgment, that I keep it all to myself.  So part of the blame is mine.  I am too afraid to show myself.  But I really feel like if someone would just meet me half way, I could go the other half.

So that's where I am today.  Not a very pleasant post, but an honest one.  Maybe tomorrow I can come up with something light and funny.   

Conner's baptism

My sweet Conner went down to the front on Mother's Day to announce his decision to get saved!  Then he got baptized on Father's Day.  Christopher actually got to do his baptism, like he did Caleb's.  Such a wonderful day for our family! 

another day

Just a quick update.  I don't think I've posted this here - but we are having another girl.  Two boys and three girls seems good to me. So this may be our last one.  Especially right now while we are on summer break from school.  It's pretty crazy trying to do anything with 4 kids.  I had tons of errands to run today, and it's just so tiring trying to do anything with all the kids, and being huge pregnant.  And then today, in the waiting room at the kids' doctor's office this woman announces loudly "YOU HAVE 4 KIDS AND ANOTHER ON THE WAY!"  She then proceeds to discuss loudly with those around her that once you have kids and you're fertile, it's easy to just keep going.  REALLY?!?!?  You need to discuss my fertility with the WHOLE waiting room??  And then this guy that she has apparently just bumped into after many years, proceeds to tell her what a &%& his new stepson is.  He is cursing loudly and frequently - all about his stepson, who has just gone to the back with his mom.  Well, gee, with a gem of stepfather like you, I can't imagine why the boy is acting out.  He just went on and on telling this woman how horrible his stepson is, and it's a good thing he's going to boot camp, blah, blah, blah.  What has our world come to where a man - sitting in a waiting room full of young children - sees nothing wrong with cursing like a sailor.  And he also sees nothing wrong with telling some woman he hasn't seen in years what a horrible stepson he has.  I had to explain to my kids on the way home, that we don't say the words he was saying.  I am saddened by what this world is coming to.  People use to show respect to each other and especially their families.  But not anymore.  It's almost like it's a game to compare stories and see who has the worst family.  Maybe instead of complaining to a room full of strangers about how horrible your stepson is, you should be working on building a relationship with the guy, and get to the deeper issues.  And for goodness sake when you are in a room full of women and children, watch your language!  It's bad enough you even talk like that, but the rest of us don't care to hear it.  Show us some respect, please.

God is good!!

Today Madison had another hip checkup. The last one didn't go so well. Her surgeon was very disappointed in her development, and even mentioned the possibility of another surgery. So I was very concerned today, worrying about what to expect. BUT!! He said she has greatly improved! Her left side (the effected side) is catching up the right side!! This is wonderful news! Her socket has deepened, and the femoral head on the left side has caught up in size to the right! I am so thrilled!! She can now be out of the brace ALL DAY!! She only has to sleep in it! No problem there! She will get checked again in 6 months, and we will discuss removing the plate on her bone. PRAISE GOD for healing my baby's hip!!

something that bugs me

You know what bugs me? People using hypocritical Christians to justify their own sin. Like when they know they are committing a sin, but they justify it by saying that some Christians do ____ (insert whatever sin here). Take for instance - tonight I saw someone on FB justify drinking by saying they were at a church where they preached against drinking but at the pot luck after church they committed the sin of gluttony. How does one sin justify another? It doesn't! And yes, there are hypocritical Christians out there. But that doesn't mean it's ok for you to sin. Each of us is accountable for our own sin. When we get to Heaven there won't be a large scale, and we are weighed against each other. We are held to the standard of Christ - regardless of what people do. We are ALL going to fall short of perfection. But that doesn't mean we don't strive to live our lives by His standards. And it doesn't mean we can look at people in the church and say "at least I don't do____". That's not how it works. So stop taking the easy way out, and man up - compare your life to Christ's - the ultimate standard.

pregnancy and other fun stuff

Wow, I'm glad I don't get paid to blog b/c I would be living on the street. :) I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to get on here. But I've added a link to my toolbar, so maybe that will motivate me to do better. maybe...

Ok, biggest news - I'm pregnant!! Yes, again. And yes, this is #5. No, I can't say for sure this is the last one. Trust me, I've heard all the comments. So unless you are going to say "Congrats! That's wonderful news! You're such a great mom, you should have a dozen" or something along those lines, please zip it! I don't need any more "don't you know what causes that? You're a human, not a baby making machine!" or similar comments. Some people are just ignorant. How many kids I have is between me, my husband, and God. All others need not comment unless it is to tell us how happy you for us.

Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way - here are the details: due Sept 23 (but you know mine always come early), don't know the sex - yet. I have an u/s on Monday so hopefully we'll find out then. I hate it when they say "I think it's a ..." I want to know FOR SURE. They were "almost positive" Caleb was a girl. Well, he wasn't. So I'd rather them tell me for sure or not at all. No names picked out yet. Chris and I each have 3 favorites and we don't agree on the others' choices. So this could be fun. We did this with the others as well. We finally knew we had the right name when we both didn't hate it.

Madison is doing great! Her next hip check is in June. We just passed the 1 year mark since our journey began. Her ortho dr says she will be coming out of the brace in June, even though her socket is not deep yet. He did mention the possibility of another surgery, but I'm trying not to go there. I'm praying for God to deepen the socket, and that to be the end of it. She turned 2 last month, and is growing like crazy! Her vocabulary grows daily! She never ceases to amaze us. This week she gave up the "binkie". There were no tears shed (from either of us), so I think it was a good transition. So far, all of mine have been easy. *knock on wood* Now if we could just get her to tell us BEFORE she goes potty in her diaper, things would be awesome!

Megan - just turned 6! Can't believe it!! Miss Social Butterfly has been in trouble at school for talking - which is no surprise to me or her dad. She just seems to have a lot to say! ;) But academically she's doing great! So we can live with the rest. She has lost 1 tooth and has another loose one. She is so excited!

Conner is 7. He's doing great in school as well. They take reading tests (AR tests) whenever they have read a book, and Conner has gotten 100% on all of them except 1!! I am so proud of him! Looks like we have another reader on our hands. He is very discouraged by his sister's loss of teeth b/c he has yet to lose even one. He doesn't even have any loose ones. I mentioned it to the dentist, but he didn't seem concerned. I'm sure they will come out when they are ready, but poor Conner is not happy about it.

Caleb is 8. He is doing great in school as well. He is my little evangelist - always telling his friends about Jesus. Actually, all the kids do! I love it!! They are certainly not ashamed, and I hope that stays with them forever! He loves sports, and is always ready to play any game. The boys are going to play basketball this summer for the Y.

Well, I think that's enough for one night. Don't want to overload you with too much info in one night. But I'm going to try to blog more - how often do I say that??