Today is the day that I get to be weight bearing again. That means I get to walk!! I am excited and a little nervous. I've been told it will be painful, which makes sense. My knee and muscles haven't been used fully in 6 weeks. I've been going to PT, which is helping me with my flexibility, but it's not 100% yet. I have a lot of fluid in my knee from not walking and scar tissue. Walking it going to be interesting.
But I realized today, there is a lot I have been putting off until I can walk. So much of my life has been on hold for 6 weeks. Don't get me wrong, I've done a lot. But not as much as before. Some of that was out of necessity, but some of it was out of frustration and fear.
So today I'm feeling all the feels - I'm beyond excited to start walking, nervous about the unknowns of today, fear of pain, and grateful that this season is finally over.
HUGS!!!
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Monday, August 26, 2019
Getting close
This week marks 5 weeks since my knee surgery. This has been such a crazy time for me, but I have learned a lot as well.
~I don't trust easily. When people are pushing me in the wheelchair, I have a lot of stress. It's hard for me to let go (literally) of the wheel and trust someone else to get me safely to my destination.
~There are some amazingly nice people out there. I already knew this, but this does reinforce it. People are so nice to hold doors, make room for me to pass, etc.
~Some businesses are really bad at making things accessible for people in wheelchairs. To get my kids to the orthodontist I have to park around the side of the building because that's the only handicap space with access to a ramp to get on the sidewalk. Same is true of the shopping center where our cell phone provider is located - one ramp on one side of the building, even though businesses are on 3 sides. Back-to-school shopping was quite hard since I could barely get down aisles at a clothing store.
~I can survive not walking for 6 weeks. I actually knew this too, but there have been some very hard days. I am learning to go slowly, and focus on what I can do rather than what I can't. I'm also good at adapting to whatever life throws at me.
~The kids' school doesn't take parents in wheelchairs into consideration very well. It would take a long post to explain, but basically they think it's easy for parents to run into the school. Well, not all parents can run. Some of us have to get out, hop around, get out a wheelchair, and then reverse that process when it's time to go.
~I really hope I never have to endure another knee surgery that involves 6 weeks of no walking.
Updates - no pain in my knee most of the time. There are still some occasional moments when I feel pain if I move just right, but for the most part, it just feels tight. Thankfully I'll start physical therapy this week, and that will get me ready for the next big step - walking next week!!
I'm almost to the end of this journey. Yay!!
~I don't trust easily. When people are pushing me in the wheelchair, I have a lot of stress. It's hard for me to let go (literally) of the wheel and trust someone else to get me safely to my destination.
~There are some amazingly nice people out there. I already knew this, but this does reinforce it. People are so nice to hold doors, make room for me to pass, etc.
~Some businesses are really bad at making things accessible for people in wheelchairs. To get my kids to the orthodontist I have to park around the side of the building because that's the only handicap space with access to a ramp to get on the sidewalk. Same is true of the shopping center where our cell phone provider is located - one ramp on one side of the building, even though businesses are on 3 sides. Back-to-school shopping was quite hard since I could barely get down aisles at a clothing store.
~I can survive not walking for 6 weeks. I actually knew this too, but there have been some very hard days. I am learning to go slowly, and focus on what I can do rather than what I can't. I'm also good at adapting to whatever life throws at me.
~The kids' school doesn't take parents in wheelchairs into consideration very well. It would take a long post to explain, but basically they think it's easy for parents to run into the school. Well, not all parents can run. Some of us have to get out, hop around, get out a wheelchair, and then reverse that process when it's time to go.
~I really hope I never have to endure another knee surgery that involves 6 weeks of no walking.
Updates - no pain in my knee most of the time. There are still some occasional moments when I feel pain if I move just right, but for the most part, it just feels tight. Thankfully I'll start physical therapy this week, and that will get me ready for the next big step - walking next week!!
I'm almost to the end of this journey. Yay!!
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
6 days after surgery
It has been 6 days since I had knee surgery. If I could describe how I feel in one word it would be - crazy. I feel like I'm going crazy!!! I can't put ANY weight on my knee for 6 weeks. SIX LONG WEEKS. It feels like it's already been 6 months, and it's only been 6 days. I have to hop on one leg AT ALL TIMES. That is a lot harder than it sounds. Try it....
I have been able to get out of the house. Since the surgery was on my left knee, I am able to drive, and that part is easy. The hard part is everything else. Getting in and out of the car is quite the ordeal. And walking is so hard - I have to stop and take breaks after just a few steps. Or should I say hops. I left the hospital with crutches, but after deciding that was not going to work, I asked for another option. The only other option was a walker. So I got the kind with a seat. That makes taking breaks easier. But it is not easy. I'm really not sure which is better - crutches or walker. They are both so hard. My palms hurt, my abs hurt, etc.
There needs to be a better solution for people that can't be weight bearing on one leg. I would think a wheelchair would be the easiest solution, but I'm guessing they don't want both of my legs to get weak. But I don't see how I'm going to get through this without injuring the other knee or hip. I'm pretty sure God didn't design our bodies for all of our weight to be on one leg...
I'm also fighting depression. Keeping it real here. I sit around thinking about what I can't do, and how long it's going to be until I can do it. My kids are amazing and pitching in where they can, but what am I going to do when they go back to school in a couple of weeks? I am taking my first born to college in a couple of weeks. When I think of trying to get around.... ugh
So I am not sure what lessons God has for me, and I am trying to look at it from a positive perspective, but this is so hard.....
I have been able to get out of the house. Since the surgery was on my left knee, I am able to drive, and that part is easy. The hard part is everything else. Getting in and out of the car is quite the ordeal. And walking is so hard - I have to stop and take breaks after just a few steps. Or should I say hops. I left the hospital with crutches, but after deciding that was not going to work, I asked for another option. The only other option was a walker. So I got the kind with a seat. That makes taking breaks easier. But it is not easy. I'm really not sure which is better - crutches or walker. They are both so hard. My palms hurt, my abs hurt, etc.
There needs to be a better solution for people that can't be weight bearing on one leg. I would think a wheelchair would be the easiest solution, but I'm guessing they don't want both of my legs to get weak. But I don't see how I'm going to get through this without injuring the other knee or hip. I'm pretty sure God didn't design our bodies for all of our weight to be on one leg...
I'm also fighting depression. Keeping it real here. I sit around thinking about what I can't do, and how long it's going to be until I can do it. My kids are amazing and pitching in where they can, but what am I going to do when they go back to school in a couple of weeks? I am taking my first born to college in a couple of weeks. When I think of trying to get around.... ugh
So I am not sure what lessons God has for me, and I am trying to look at it from a positive perspective, but this is so hard.....
Friday, July 19, 2019
Trust is hard
After my last post, I had a hard time getting back on here to update. I did lose my job. Not my fault, and I don't think it's fair, but there it is. I have to trust that God has a plan. I feel a little like Job - "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) This job dropped in my lap out of nowhere, and it was taken away the same way - out of nowhere. I don't plan to look for another job. I have always felt like my first duty was to my family. I still have one sweet child at home. The only reason I took this job was because she would be there too. As a float, I could go see her anytime I wanted to. I was still there to kiss her boo-boos, give her a hug, and rejoice with her when something cool happened. I will go back to doing that at home.
During the same week, my son also lost his job because of a manager that didn't like him. So he's learning some tough lessons also - just because you work hard, and do everything right doesn't guarantee you will be treated fairly. But we must trust that God still as a plan, and He's still working in our lives. He's looking for a new job, and I am so proud of him.
I got my surgery scheduled. Hubby will be home from AT by then, so he can take me. I have some amazing kids that will pitch in around the house, and we will be great!
I have been feeling like I should start some sort of women's gathering. In the past I hosted a Bible study here in my home. But life happens, and we had to stop meeting. I'm starting to think it might be a good idea to get it going again. Either a Bible study or just a weekly gathering of ladies that can be real and do life together. I'm still praying about it. I'm always scared to do something like this - I feel unqualified, and my anxiety kicks in. But I know there is such a need for ladies to have a community to turn to. I know I need it, and I know I'm not the only one. Ideally the church should be that for Christians, but I know a smaller gathering can be nice also. And some people get lost in the church. I want to be there for them.
Just some of things going on around here.
Until next time!
During the same week, my son also lost his job because of a manager that didn't like him. So he's learning some tough lessons also - just because you work hard, and do everything right doesn't guarantee you will be treated fairly. But we must trust that God still as a plan, and He's still working in our lives. He's looking for a new job, and I am so proud of him.
I got my surgery scheduled. Hubby will be home from AT by then, so he can take me. I have some amazing kids that will pitch in around the house, and we will be great!
I have been feeling like I should start some sort of women's gathering. In the past I hosted a Bible study here in my home. But life happens, and we had to stop meeting. I'm starting to think it might be a good idea to get it going again. Either a Bible study or just a weekly gathering of ladies that can be real and do life together. I'm still praying about it. I'm always scared to do something like this - I feel unqualified, and my anxiety kicks in. But I know there is such a need for ladies to have a community to turn to. I know I need it, and I know I'm not the only one. Ideally the church should be that for Christians, but I know a smaller gathering can be nice also. And some people get lost in the church. I want to be there for them.
Just some of things going on around here.
Until next time!
Monday, July 8, 2019
The saga continues...
"What more could go wrong?" I asked myself yesterday. Little did I know, lots!
The mechanic that hubby had his car towed to, can't work on it for 2 weeks. No bueno since he will be home in two weeks. So they jump started it for him, and he drove it to another mechanic, who is now working on it.
I had a follow-up on my knee issue. Surgery is in my future. UGH!! Plus 6 weeks on crutches. Yay. (sarcasm)
I called my boss, at the preschool where I work, to let her know that it might be a little awkward for me to hobble around the kids on crutches the first couple of weeks of school. After an awkward start to the conversation, she finally reveals, that she may not have a position for me anymore due to a financial error on the part of the church where the preschool is located. What?!?!?! Because of someone else's error, I may be out of a job. Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
God, what do you have planned in all this? I can't see anything positive right now. I see loss of income, loss of a job I adored, more costs associated with car repairs, fear of an upcoming surgery, and lots of confusion. Help me to see the positive in this, God. Because I'm having a hard time seeing anything.
Lesson to be learned here - never ask "what more can go wrong?" The answer will shock you!
until next time....
The mechanic that hubby had his car towed to, can't work on it for 2 weeks. No bueno since he will be home in two weeks. So they jump started it for him, and he drove it to another mechanic, who is now working on it.
I had a follow-up on my knee issue. Surgery is in my future. UGH!! Plus 6 weeks on crutches. Yay. (sarcasm)
I called my boss, at the preschool where I work, to let her know that it might be a little awkward for me to hobble around the kids on crutches the first couple of weeks of school. After an awkward start to the conversation, she finally reveals, that she may not have a position for me anymore due to a financial error on the part of the church where the preschool is located. What?!?!?! Because of someone else's error, I may be out of a job. Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
God, what do you have planned in all this? I can't see anything positive right now. I see loss of income, loss of a job I adored, more costs associated with car repairs, fear of an upcoming surgery, and lots of confusion. Help me to see the positive in this, God. Because I'm having a hard time seeing anything.
Lesson to be learned here - never ask "what more can go wrong?" The answer will shock you!
until next time....
Sunday, July 7, 2019
quick glimpse at our life
I have heard seveal times that our life is so crazy, we should write a book. I figured a blog post was the close enough. So here's what the summer has looked like for us (and it's only July):
1) my car had issues and had to have work done.
2) washing maching stopped working. Had to borrow one from my parents until we can afford to get our fixed.
3) garbage disposal started leaking
4) my car needs more work done
5) husband's car had to have work done
6) issues at church have us questioning whether we should stay or find a new church home
7) messed up my knee. Probably a torn meniscus
8) behavior issues with one of the kids
9) Christopher left for his 2 weeks of annual training, and his car broke down 2 hours from the base; causing him to have it towed to a mechanic, find a hotel for the night, and find a ride to the base.
10) error on the part of the military caused us issues with our tax refund - we only received half of what we should. The military finally corrected their error, we filed an ammended return, and are still waiting for the other half of our refund. (it's been months)
These are just a few things I can come up with off the top of my head.
Y'all, life is crazy! I don't understand why God allows so many things to hit us all at once. What I do know is:
1) He is right here with us for all of it
2) He is working all these things out for my good (Rom 8:28)
3) someday I will understand why we had to go through such trials, but it may not be till I get to Heaven
4) I am blessed!! Even with all these trials, I am still blessed.
Just a quick update.
love ya!
1) my car had issues and had to have work done.
2) washing maching stopped working. Had to borrow one from my parents until we can afford to get our fixed.
3) garbage disposal started leaking
4) my car needs more work done
5) husband's car had to have work done
6) issues at church have us questioning whether we should stay or find a new church home
7) messed up my knee. Probably a torn meniscus
8) behavior issues with one of the kids
9) Christopher left for his 2 weeks of annual training, and his car broke down 2 hours from the base; causing him to have it towed to a mechanic, find a hotel for the night, and find a ride to the base.
10) error on the part of the military caused us issues with our tax refund - we only received half of what we should. The military finally corrected their error, we filed an ammended return, and are still waiting for the other half of our refund. (it's been months)
These are just a few things I can come up with off the top of my head.
Y'all, life is crazy! I don't understand why God allows so many things to hit us all at once. What I do know is:
1) He is right here with us for all of it
2) He is working all these things out for my good (Rom 8:28)
3) someday I will understand why we had to go through such trials, but it may not be till I get to Heaven
4) I am blessed!! Even with all these trials, I am still blessed.
Just a quick update.
love ya!
Monday, January 22, 2018
A New Year!! Here's to 2018!
How is 2018 treating you so far? I don't usually do resolutions, but I do take time to evaluate my life, and see where I need to make some positive changes. This year, I knew there were several areas I need to work on. Most involved my spiritual walk.
On New Year's Eve I heard a powerful sermon on prayer. The pastor said your prayer life should be as important to your spiritual life as breathing is to your physical life. Wow!! That's serious! I had already been feeling convicted b/c God and I were not where we needed to be. Ok, I wasn't where I needed to be. He hadn't gone anywhere. We (my family) were going through the toughest season we've ever gone through. And I was angry - mostly with God. So I let my quiet time slip. I would still pray - some - but it was usually begging God to help us. As the craziness of the Christmas season passed, I realized I needed to make a change. I missed my time with God. I knew my peace came from Him, so why wasn't I spending more time basking in His presence?
Then our church announced the upcoming discipleship classes for the next 6 weeks, and guess what one of the classes was on - PRAYER. Ok, God, I get it. This is where I need the most work.
So the last couple of weeks I've been working on my prayer life. I'm doing my quiet time again, and as God brings things to mind, I pray about them. I pray off and on all day. I'm more intentional about prayer for the needs of those around me. You know when someone says "please pray for ______"? Do you? Do you add it to your prayer list? When someone posts something on social media, and you say "I'll be praying for you", do you mean it? Do you do it? Prayer is the most powerful tool we have as Christians. Why don't we use it more?
My situation hasn't changed, but I have more peace than I did this time last month.
I want to encourage you to spend some time in serious prayer. Not just going through your checklist of things to ask for. But actually spending time talking to God, and then listening to what He has to say back to you.
Hugs, friends!
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